RU OK? No Really, are you OK?
Thursday 12 September is RU OK Day, the one day of the year when we are encouraged to ask our friends, family and especially our work colleagues if they are OK. And if the data on mental health is a guide, then many of them won’t be.
The campaign message this year is that we shouldn’t just wait for that one day of the year, rather we should normalise asking about mental health and wellbeing at any time. Because we know that circumstances can change, and a lot can happen in a week or even a month, let alone a year.
Checking in regularly lets people know that you genuinely care. It also makes it easier for them to ask for help when they are struggling, because they know there is someone ready to listen.
Sometimes we don’t know how to start the conversation. Letting someone know that you care, or that you have noticed a change in their behaviour is a good place to start the conversation.
It can also be useful to start with a simple statement such as “I have noticed that you seem really down at the moment.”
Here are some tips and advice from RU OK.
Tips
It’s important that you are in the right headspace before you check-in on others, because you could be involved in a challenging conversation
Make sure that you have plenty of time, so that the other person doesn’t feel rushed
Ensure that there is space to have the conversation – asking in the middle of a crowded tea room is probably not conducive to a good conversation
Be prepared for the answer to be “No, I’m not OK”
You’re not there to help fix the other person’s problems
Steps
1. Ask
Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach.
Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What’s been happening?"
Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?"
If they don’t want to talk, don’t criticise them.
Tell them you’re still concerned about changes in their behaviour and you care about them.
Avoid a confrontation.
You could say: “Please call me if you ever want to chat” or “Is there someone else you’d rather talk to?”
2. Listen with an open mind
Take what they say seriously and don't interrupt or rush the conversation.
Don’t judge their experiences or reactions but acknowledge that things seem tough for them.
If they need time to think, sit patiently with the silence.
Encourage them to explain: "How are you feeling about that?" or "How long have you felt that way?"
Show that you've listened by repeating back what you’ve heard (in your own words) and ask if you have understood them properly.
3. Encourage action
Ask: “What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
Ask: “How would you like me to support you?"
Ask: “What’s something you can do for yourself right now? Something that’s enjoyable or relaxing?”
You could say: "When I was going through a difficult time, I tried this... You might find it useful too."
If they've been feeling really down for more than 2 weeks, encourage them to see a health professional. You could say, "It might be useful to link in with someone who can support you. I'm happy to assist you to find the right person to talk to.”
Be positive about the role of professionals in getting through tough times.
IF THEY NEED EXPERT HELP - Some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. If someone’s been really low for more than 2 weeks - or is at risk - please contact a professional as soon as you can.
4. Check-in
Pop a reminder in your diary to call them in a couple of weeks. If they're really struggling, follow up with them sooner.
You could say: "I've been thinking of you and wanted to know how you've been going since we last chatted."
Ask if they've found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven't done anything, don't judge them. They might just need someone to listen to them for the moment.
Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.
Check out some of the role play scenarios that help guide you on how to ask here