Establishing and maintaining boundaries
Whoever said sorry seems to be the hardest word got it wrong.* The hardest word to say for many people is actually NO. We are conditioned to say YES, because we want to be accepted, and saying NO is a sure fire way to get rejected. We want to be seen as agreeable, and health practitioners have an innate desire to help others. So YES becomes the default setting. But sometimes that comes at the expense of our own wellbeing. Learning the importance of setting boundaries and saying NO is an important skill.
Without boundaries, it becomes more difficult to say NO, and the consequence is likely to be an increase in our workload. It can also create a sense that we have lost some autonomy, contributing to feelings of burnout. Always agreeing to requests to take on more can also increase stress and anxiety, especially when we feel the need to take on the responsibility of other peoples’ thoughts, behaviours and emotions. Therefore, setting boundaries and learning when and how to say NO is a really important step in protecting your own mental health and wellbeing.
“Saying no is not letting others down. It’s standing up for yourself. Setting boundaries isn’t a display of disrespect. It’s an expression of self-respect.”
It’s important to remember that sometimes we just have to say YES. The task is critical to our work, we have the time and resources to do it and the request is fair. But think about the times that there is a request to drop everything for an inconsequential task when you don’t have the time, and the person making the request is not likely to truly appreciate your efforts. And then the impact that has on your other tasks, and on your overall wellbeing.
How to set boundaries
In order to prioritise your own wellbeing, it is important to learn how to set clear boundaries, and communicate that clearly to others. This might mean carving out time for self-care, or quality time with loved ones, or focusing on work that is important to you. Having a clear understanding about the purpose of boundaries can help in how you negotiate them with others.
Just like geographic boundaries, it is important that you monitor your personal boundaries and enforce them when required. If someone steps over the line, then you need to make them aware of that, clearly and respectfully. It is also important that you respect other peoples’ boundaries too - treat others as you want them to treat you.
Research suggests that most people tend to overestimate the negative consequences of saying NO, when the reality is that people generally don’t hold it against you. The best person to assess your current capacity and ability to complete an additional task is you. So exercise that judgement a little more, and set boundaries to protect your wellbeing.
Sometimes you just have to say NO.
* For those playing along, it was Elton John who said ‘Sorry seems to be the hardest word.’